Some people say that understanding the inner workings of a woman is “terra incognita”, otherwise known as unknown territory. Of course, women can be full of mystery and contradictions, but perhaps it wouldn’t be that way if a man were more attentive and observant of her needs and wants. Believe us, you don’t have to read minds like Mel Gibson did in the film, “What Women Want”. Understanding your partner just takes a little common sense.
Psychology Today Articles with the help of Bright Side invites you to take a closer look at your female friends by paying closer attention to her daily habits, desires and weaknesses to help you to understand each other on a deeper level. Stay tuned until the end of this article, where we learn about an anthropologist who says a person’s body can actually say a lot about their character.
1. What are her life values?
A person’s life values serve as their internal compass, pointing them in the right direction throughout their life. What does your female friend or girlfriend value? What does she want from life? What are her goals?
Does she prefer to spend the evening with a martini in hand alongside her friends? Or perhaps she’d rather catch a movie with you? Does she want to shop for a new couch or go abroad for the weekend? Your future together can be based on the decisions that she is making now and how you impact them. Pay attention to her actions, not her words to help you understand what kind of person she is.
It’s okay if your life views are a little bit different. But if your girlfriend wants to become a diplomat and go around the world while you desire to live in a small cozy house with a couple of kids right after the wedding, you should be prepared to discuss the types of compromises you’d be willing to make for your future.
2. Does she like planning or being spontaneous?
Think about the way your girlfriend spends her day off. Does she plan everything beforehand or does she do everything in the spur of the moment? Does she change her schedule easily or does she stick to the plan she jots down in her calendar?
If you never know what to expect from your girlfriend, you might have a brighter and more spontaneous future. However, living only for today can prove to be a bit careless, which could mean you’d have a hectic life together with constant changes and nothing to depend on.
But even if your girlfriend is totally against surprises, it doesn’t mean she is boring and predictable. Just like many people do, some women like to abide by a schedule. Even if that’s the case, it never hurts to add a few unexpected and enjoyable events her life. American scientists have proven that one gets more pleasure from a spontaneous activity rather than from a planned one.
3. How does she react to trouble?
Life is a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs. No matter who you are, no one can completely avoid problems or trouble. It’s all about how you handle these challenges. How does your girlfriend handle a challenge?
Amy L. Eva, a psychologist from California University in Berkeley, says that stressful situations are an opportunity to learn something, mobilize your internal power, and become motivated to move forward. The most important thing to identify is the actual problem at hand and understand how severe it is. Is it burnt eggs, problems at work, or a flood in a different country? What does your girlfriend consider to be a major problem and how does she handle it?
She might just shrug her shoulders or she may cry, break plates or complain to her friends. While men and women can handle stress in different ways, it’s important to notice red flags like freaking out over minor problems that can easily be remedied.
4. What is her relationship with people close to her?
John Nortman, a psychologist from Buffalo, says that good and trusting relationships make people happy and healthy, both psychologically and physically. It is very important that every family member makes their own contribution to this relationship and supports each other while being respectful of individual habits and traditions.
Pay attention to how good the relationship is between your girlfriend and her family. If your girlfriend respects her parents, takes their advice and is always there to help them, it’s a good sign that she has a kind heart. This means that she will be just as tender and understanding with you throughout your relationship.
On the contrary, if your girlfriend says bad things about her family, gossips about her friends behind their backs and is always ready to tell incriminating stories about her family members, then there’s every reason to believe she’ll be talking about you negatively behind your back next.
5. What is her attitude toward other people?
Another great way to tell if you want to be in a relationship with someone is by judging how she treats others. Does she talk to waiters like a spoiled brat or is she kind and polite? Is she rude to someone trying to assist her or is she usually warm and friendly? If someone accidentally pushes her in the street, would she start an argument or stay calm?
In her book, Brilliant Psychology: How to Understand Yourself and Other People, Psychologist, Louise Deacon says that we tend to be way more harsh on other people then we are on ourselves, oftentimes finding an excuse for our own failures. Conversely, when it comes to other people, we say that any failure is their own fault. To better understand where a person is coming from in any situation, try to put yourself in their shoes see their perspective.
Bottom line is, we should respect other people no matter what their social status is. If your girlfriend treats others with disrespect and laughs at them, it means that she is very unlikely to help anyone out when they really need it.
6. What does she do in her free time?
Your girlfriend has a free evening and you’re not around. What will she do? Will she go to a raging party and spend the entire night there? Or maybe she’ll lie on her couch accompanied by a tasty snack and the newest season of her favorite television show? Or will she go for a stroll in the park?
Frédéric Beigbeder wrote in his book, 99 Franks that every person needs to have a hobby. The way your girlfriend spends her free time says a lot about her habits, character, and worldview. Are you ready to share her interests? Do you agree with her lifestyle or are you thinking about how you can try to change her?
If you like the way your girlfriend spends her free time and are happy to do it with her, this is a sign of a healthy relationship. And if she shares your interests as well, it means that you will never be bored together.
7. How emotional is she?
How much do feelings influence your girlfriend’s character and behavior? If she watches “Titanic” and doesn’t cry at all, you might start wondering if you are dating a robot (don’t lie, you even shed a tear at that one)!
It’s endearing to see someone get emotional about something. It’s not surprising if she cries when she sees a homeless kitten, but if the first yellow leaf on a tree makes her depressed because “life is too short”, this is a reason to ask yourself: are you compatible with someone so emotional?
It’s normal to be easily moved by things, but making a scene of every little event in your life — that’s just too much.
8. How much time does she devote to her appearance?
We all know its easy to judge a book by its cover sometimes. But some women and even men take their image too seriously, investing all their energy, money and resources into their outward appearance.
Admittedly, men like beautiful, well-groomed women, but that doesn’t mean they’d be willing to wait two hours every day for their girlfriend to finally leave the bathroom. Many people today have developed The Dorian Gray Syndrome, and are fixated on the idea of staying young and beautiful forever. Movies and commercials are constantly trying to convince us that youth and beauty is the most important thing in life. If you’re insecure, it’s easy to become obsessed with your appearance and how other people perceive you. If this is the case in your partner, you’ll have to be prepared to compliment them constantly, which isn’t an ideal way of living day to day.
However, some women are the exact opposite and may not even care to look at herself in the mirror before she leaves the house. Maybe she has other priorities in her life.
9. How smart is she?
How often do you and your girlfriend engage in conversation? Do you like to invite her to hangout with your friends knowing she’ll get along well with them? Of course, your girlfriend doesn’t have to have to be the next Einstein, but a smart, well-rounded partner is always interesting to talk to.
And according to the latest studies, the most important thing in a relationship is not the number of right answers on an IQ test, but instead, emotional intelligence — the ability to understand you, your feelings, wishes and the ability to be in touch with your emotions.
10. What inspires her?
Hobbies and interests are a natural part of all our personalities and help us to live a happy life. Professor Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries writes in her book, The Happiness Equation, that people’s hobbies let them use the parts of the brain which are not taken advantage of while they’re doing a job.
A person with a hobby is always more interesting to spend time and communicate with. Interesting people can easily inspire the people around them.
And what is your girlfriend interested in? Maybe she likes knitting, reading history dramas, visiting Latin-American dance classes or cooking apple pies professionally? If your girlfriend has a hobby that makes her super excited, she’s probably very happy and fulfilled.
Bonus: Look at her waist.
Anthropologist, Elizabeth Cashdan studied the different body types of 30 different populations and concluded that almost every woman’s character can be determined by her shape, or more specifically, her waist. As it turns out, the wider the waist is, the stronger the character.
Elizabeth Cashdan advises romantic men who dream about being with a tender woman, to take a close look at girls who have a thinner waist. And vice versa, if a man wants a decisive and independent woman, he needs a woman with a wider waist.
The Internet is full of tests to find out what type of girl you’d be most compatible with. But all you need to do is to pay a little more attention to the woman herself and see her for who she really is.
Source: Brightside.me
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